Struggling with Intimacy in Marriage: How to Overcome Sexual Disappointment

I got married two years ago. My wife and I were quite young when we walked down the aisle. I didnt want to waste too much time in a relationship doing things I could comfortably enjoy in marriage. Thats why we made the big jump. Most of my friends were surprised when we announced our wedding date. Are you sure? They asked me, You are still very young. Why the rush?

In fact, no one in my circle is married. We are not even in our thirties yet. Thats why they tried to talk me out of my decision at first. But I explained to them, I want us to enjoy our youthful years as a married couple before the kids start coming.

Truly, this was my expectation that I would have my wife all to myself once our union was legal. I wanted a fulfilling sex life. But it seems my wife had other plans.

She is a good woman. An amazing wife. Shes committed to every responsibility in the marriage. The only place she holds back is when it comes to intimacy. In our two years of marriage, she has never once initiated it.

I am always the one making the move. When I do too, she is reluctant to give in. Sometimes I have to talk and talk and cajole her before she gives in. Other times I have to beg for it. By the time I go through all the stress to get her to say yes, I even lose interest in doing it.

Every week, I deal with the weight of sexual disappointment. Ive been open with her about my feelings. I hoped by talking to her, things would improve, but nothing has changed.

Eventually, I had to compromise. We agreed to at least two encounters a week. Even that one is hard for her. I have to count myself lucky if she lets me do it once.

What hurt me the most happened on the night of our wedding anniversary. I looked forward to at least celebrating that night in a way that mattered to me. Quality time and intimacy. But even that ended in disappointment. Why, of all nights, couldnt I enjoy intimacy with my wife on our anniversary?

These repeated disappointments have begun to weigh heavily on me. I find myself finding satisfaction in adult films. Im haunted by memories of a past sexual encounter I confessed to her before we got married. I keep revisiting those memories because it was a time when I felt desired.

Now things have escalated. Ive found myself planning, and plotting ways to cheat on her. She knows these are my thoughts, I have told her. I have explained that her starvation is driving me to this point. Yet she is who she is.

Aside from her lack of sexual expression, she is the perfect wife for me. She shows up fully in every other area. So I am here wondering if I am being unreasonable for wanting more.

Since shes on this page, Im hoping your thoughtful readers can give us some tips to overcome this challenge.

Jino